Intro
It’s the Mix Master,
With the beat from Ice Ben,
Now, bring in the bass,
We’re talkin’ about, that’s right, Symposium,
Come on.

Verse
Okay, I’ll start the story while I’m just a little buzzed,
My name is Aristophanes, and I’m praising Eros,
Let me tell ya ‘bout us humans, ‘fore half us was lost,
We used to be together, but our arrogance did cost,
Our strength and independence, the sentence was not light,
Zeus cut us down the middle, and we put up no fight,
There used to be three sexes, the third hermaphrodite,
This story’s getting weird ‘cause I’ve been drinking all night,
Now, I need a jug of wine, or else I cannot rhyme,
Telling you the tale of humans back in time,
Once they were split apart, it seemed to break their heart,
You think that I am done, but I’m only trying to start,
These new humans, they were lonely, searching for their other half,
And they were slowly dying, because the gods were daft,
They couldn’t reproduce, no daughter or son,
Until Zeus decided to move the genitals in front,
Whoa! And now I’m getting wasted,
Cake-faced and can’t taste what put me in this state,
It seems the room is spinning and I’m getting kind of dizzy,
But, I’ll try to stay on topic, so y’all can stay with me,
I forgot to give the reason the humans were sliced apart,
Zeus could’ve killed them, but didn’t have the heart,
They couldn’t give up getting’ sacrifices and gift,
But because they were so cocky, there had to be a split.

Chorus
So, let me tell the story of the history of man,
Though I may not be coherent being as drunk as I am,
I’ll try to give a lesson, unless it seems I can’t,
‘Cause you know I’ve got the vision, envisioning I’ll stand,
And I’ll start to tell the story of the history of man,
Though I may not be coherent being as drunk as I am,
I’ll try to give a lesson, unless it seems I can’t,
‘Cause you know I’ve got the vision, now listen to the band.

Verse
Now, I’ll take another swig, please tell me where I was,
I cannot even stand up, but I’ll continue if I must,
So, the punishment was just, at least it was to Zeus,
And if the humans tested him, he’d make another two,
Nah, I swear it’s true and it explains the way we are,
Those hermaphrodites now womanizers and whores,
Now, I know I’m Aristophanes, and that I write comedies,
It doesn’t quite make sense to me, but that’s how it’s got to be,
Hmm, that’s no good, I’m about to collapse,
I knew if I kept drinking, that I wouldn’t last,
I wouldn’t make it past that last glass I had,
I’m getting kind of tired and the spinning makes me mad,
So I’ll try to wrap it up before I hit the ground,
I’m not serious about this story, but I thought I’d lay it down,
Still, I think you get the meaning and the message from this lesson,
The rest is fairy tale, though I did keep you guessin’.

Chorus
So, let me tell the story of the history of man,
Though I may not be coherent being as drunk as I am,
I’ll try to give a lesson, unless it seems I can’t,
‘Cause you know I’ve got the vision, envisioning I’ll stand,
And I’ll start to tell the story of the history of man,
Though I may not be coherent being as drunk as I am,
I’ll try to give a lesson, unless it seems I can’t,
‘Cause you know I’ve got the vision, now listen to the band.
x 3

Outro
Yo, Aristophanes,
Yo, man, you okay?
It looks like he’s gonna fall down,
You look a little dizzy, man, you alright?
He’s gonna fall down (falls down),
Oh, man,
Whoa, he’s passed out, Jesus!
Yeah,
Well, should we draw on his face,
Hell yeah, aw yeah.